Thursday, June 12, 2008

It has been one year...

I can hardly believe it. One year ago today at 2:45 p.m., I watched my Mom slip away right before my very eyes. I knew this day would be hard, but I didn't expect it to be so bad. Things have been tough this week anyway, but last night my stomach started to hurt and I woke up so incredibly sad. It is has been like I am carrying the grief around in my chest and belly like a heavy weight. I haven't stopped thinking about it. Every hour that passed brought me back to what was happening a year ago and it just felt like I was re-living everything all over again.

We were given a hydrangea from a group of her friends at her service last year that died as soon as we planted it here. Of course, that really upset me and I've really worried about it. Fortunately, it has come back with great vigor and I secretly hoped it would bloom today. (I read later that hydrangeas are fall/summer blooming bushes, so I shouldn't be too disappointed that no - no blooms yet.)

I got a lovely gift of flowers from my staff - at least I am pretty sure it was them. The card was unsigned, but had the handmade touch of Jonnita. I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. What was most incredible was one of the beautiful pink (of course) flowers had a pink rhinestone dragonfly. Dragonflies have been so meaningful to me since Mom's passing since seeing her grave covered in them on my first visit to her site as I first shared on her blog.

Bill and I visited her site this evening and found Grandma, Dad and Corey had already been there. Her gravesite had so much love for her there, it was very touching. Not a very clear picture, but you at least can get the idea below.Afterward, we met Corey, Keri, Carson, Dad, Grandma, Vickie and Harry at Plaza Jalisco. We had a nice dinner together - Carson was a great distraction! Another nice surprise - Sharon Carter and her husband and Jean Love, Bunco friends of Mom's were at the restaurant. I know Mom just loved that. It was great seeing them. They said they never did fill Mom's spot at the Bunco table. Oh, how they love her. That means so much to me.

I miss Mom so much. Things have been pretty hard on me lately and I have very much felt the void of her loss. However, I cannot change the fact she is gone and her loss has led to me to not take for granted my life and those I love around me. Life is truly precious and much too short. I will be with her one day soon enough and for now I have a lot to be thankful for. As Keri said, as hard as this year has been - we have had many blessings - Sue and Scott moving here, the birth of Carson, Bill and I getting engaged, and so on. Thanks be to God.

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