Sunday, September 25, 2011

Elyse - ONE YEAR. The best is yet to come.

Dearest Elyse -

I've had a million thoughts swimming in my mind as I think about writing this post. You are one year old. What haven't I already said? What am I really feeling? Maybe a little like this at times:

I'm feeling pretty much everything. I'm happy, proud, excited, yet I'm also emotional, sentimental and sad. You have been in my world almost two years now. Two years ago we were trying to have a baby and in January 2011, we were so excited when we found out we were pregnant. Many nauseous, swelling and waddling months later I was nearing my due date. Your nursery was complete. Clothes were folded away in your dresser smelling like a sweet baby. Hospital bags were packed. I was ready, but absolutely terrified! And then... you were here. This beautiful baby girl was laid on my chest with these big eyes blinking back at me. What?!
Elyse with the stroller and baby at Grandma Deanie's.

The next week was a whirlwind. Our house was always full with visitors. I barely slept. I mean, really - I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I couldn't rest - I was so excited. And I didn't want to miss a moment with you. Daddy and I talk fondly of that time. We were up at all hours of the day - and night. We kept the heat on about 75 degrees (and it was September) and Daddy was always sweating. We just didn't want our little girl getting cold. Daddy would sleep with a hand on your chest - he was so worried about you. We spent more consistent time together during your first few months than we had our entire relationship. It holds such sweet memories for us. It was so fun getting to know you.

Elyse and Uncle Casey.

I loved being home with you. I loved holding my sweet baby, patting and rubbing your back back and breathing in your sweet scent. Nursing you to sleep and then carefully carrying you down to your room to sleep. Kissing your sweet cheeks. Being able to (almost) always make your cries go away by giving you what you need whether it be food, diaper change or just cuddles. I'd dress you up and take you out for visits and beam as you were always happy to meet new people.You have never been shy.
The infamous arms-up of the early walker.

Christmas neared and I was excited about the holiday, but inside I was a mess. One night, Daddy and I sat in the living room and tears just rolled onto your head as I said to him, "I didn't expect to love her this much." I was physically sick about going back to work. I always knew I would, but secretly I worried I was being selfish. I did it and it was HARD. Yet, I worked out a new schedule where I could be off one day a week (and Daddy was already off another). Somehow this all brought a balance and peace to our decision. You would be with Mom and/or Dad more than you were not. Somehow it eased that discomfort and I was so happy.
Loves to climb the cement stairs on the patio (and make us nervous!).

I'd come home each night so excited for that moment when I walked into the room and my Baby Girl would see me (this is STILL my favorite part of the day). My friend, Jessica, had told me, "Babies always know their Mama. Whether you work or stay at home - don't worry. You'll always be her Mama." She was exactly right. Nothing changed.
Standing on her own took some practice!
You are the light of our life. I have a new job which is incredibly busy. It makes me tired, but it makes the days go quickly. I work hard to put in the hours so I don't sacrifice anything at work, while still making sure you and Daddy come first. I still get my day off with my girl and everything I put forward at work makes it all worth it to have that time. Everything I do is for my daughter and husband. You both are my life.
My beautiful girl.

I love watching Daddy as a parent. He is so loving with you and watching you together makes me light up with happiness. Boy, is he proud of his little girl.
Still soothed by sucking your thumb. It is the hand clasp, followed by insertion of thumb movement - you have it down pat!

It is definitely bittersweet looking back over this last year. My baby is evolving into a little girl. And as much as I miss my little babe on my shoulder, it is so fun watching you grow. You are funny, happy, ornery and a love.

I thank God every day for the blessing of my family. You and Daddy are such tremendous gifts to me and I couldn't be a happier with my life. I pray each day to be the best Mama I can to you and I hope I am doing all you deserve. Because my sweet angel - you are worth all of it and more. Thank you for being the greatest blessing of our lives.



1 comment:

Jessica said...

Thanks! I needed to read this. It is especially nice to read as I think about Wednesday. I find myself nervous and it was a blessing to read this post. I am smiling and crying and feeling so blessed I am about to start this crazy ride again. So thanks friend!


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