Thursday, April 29, 2010

Pregnancy Advice, Oh My!

I remember reading this post about what to say and what NOT to say to a woman who has had a miscarriage. I went back and read it when it happened to someone close to me. I could share a list of my own for what NOT to say after a close family member's death. I've heard it all, believe me. However, we'll save that for another day.

Today, I'm going to share what NOT to say to someone who is expecting a baby. OK, at least what not to say to me!
  • If I ask your advice, bring it on! Tell me whatever you want. I've sought out some of you and asked your advice on a variety of subjects. I know lots of really great Moms and if I ask your opinion, please tell me and be honest! But, then there is the unsolicited advice... Oh boy.
  • Now that everyone knows we're having a girl, the most common question is, "Have you chosen a name?" I honestly have started to cringe when I hear that question as I get a little nervous for the response when I share the names we're considering. If I do mention a baby name that we like to you, please don't say, "I hate that name." Another favorite: "Please don't name her that." Oh, there's always the, "You're joking, right?" Sadly, I've heard ALL of these comments already! This is different than my asking you, "What do you think about the name ____?" In that situation, I'm opening myself up to your opinion! Go ahead and tell me!
  • If you don't know it already, we are going to use cloth diapers. Do we know for sure it will work for us? No. Will we ever use disposables? Of course. Do we feel like it is something worth giving a shot? YES! Guess what? We feel REALLY GOOD about our decision! Unless I ask your opinion, please don't tell me you think we are freaks and/or are making a big mistake. This is no longer something we are contemplating. We are doing it! Again, I've been admonished more than once regarding this decision. It is hard to hear!
  • Please don't volunteer your birth horror stories. Again, if I ask you about your experience, bring it on. Tell me everything. But, some just share at will and don't seem to notice me shrinking back in horror. I was at a gathering last week where three people went on and on about their stories. It seems like when one starts the other needs to top the story. From breech births where the mother almost died, losing their baby at a couple days old, to ineffective epidurals - I was beyond overwhelmed. So, why do I keep watching Private Practice? I do not know. (Yeah, just that link is enough - that show is evil for anyone expecting, but it is like a car wreck. I can't turn away!) OK, we need something else funny now.

This is such a great time for me. It is new and I love information and I want to ask questions. Everyone warned me about the unsolicited advice, but I wasn't prepared for the amount I'd get and how some of it could be hurtful. The majority of what I hear is positive, don't get me wrong. But, you know how it is. Sometimes it is just those few comments that are the ones we remember. Please just take this as a cautionary lesson for all mamas-to-be out there.

PS: On a side note, these cartoons just kill me... Love it.


Chelsi said...

Cracking up at these comics! HAHA! Totally agree on all of your "please don't say/ask me these things!"

Andrea said...

I love the cartoons! They are hilarious! And PLEASE forgive me if I gave you any unsolicited stories or advice! You are going to be great, Mama! (And if you want more unsolicited advice and unwanted stories, just call me and I'll come right over.) Seriously, though, I think I ran into every conceivable nursing problem and if you want a listening ear with barely constrained editorials, I'm here! Much love you to you! Such an exciting time, Courtney!


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